you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
