never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
