how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
