Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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