you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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