: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
