we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
