small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
as a side note pls kill me
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
