Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I would fuck him just for his dog
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