I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
