So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
