Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
