i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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