That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
