be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
