i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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