ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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