He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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