Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
this will be a night to untag.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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