Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
