I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
