I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I supernannyed him into submission
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