so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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