If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
