So drunk its hurt
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
