i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
