I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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