eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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