So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
