Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just threw up on my dentist
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
