Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
