Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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