In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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