i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
