Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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