is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
