Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
