Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
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