i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
