Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
