So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She made me pour olive oil on her.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
