1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
