so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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