I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
