got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
