My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
