Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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