girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
