So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
