she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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