She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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