Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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